Ashcroft Gone, Justice Statues Disrobe, Let the Titties Loose!

Ashcroft Gone, Justice Statues Disrobe

Europe is laughing at us. AGAIN! Even a 5 year old knows that breasts are allowed in art. Statues, like the Spirit of Justice, are often partially or completely nude, and that's a beautiful thing.

Why do Christians hate breasts? Or do they hate Justice? Liberty? The Pursuit of Happiness, which, for many of us, would most definitely include breasts? I've got an answer and it's on the shelf in your local grocer. Baby formula.

America suffers from what I like to call Infantile Mammary Obsession. We didn't get enough as babies, so we don't know how to act like adults. See, Nature has Her reasons. Babies are intended to suckle at a soft, warm tit, not gnaw on a hard glass or plastic bottle with a cold, rubber nipple. At some point in the 50's (I'm guess-timating), it became passe´ to feed your tots with tits. It was more modern, more sanitary, more au courant to use a bottle. Think of the convenience!

Unfortunately, this wasn't good for moms or babies. Mom needed that time with baby to help her body recouperate from giving birth, and it was important for them to bond during feeding. The baby received milk that was ideally suited for its body, which boosted its immune system and didn't cause allergies the way cow's milk and artificial formulas did. It was also unlikely Mom would over-feed the baby, since she couldn't really see how much the baby was injesting. It's one of nature's most beautiful symbiotic relationships. We thought we could improve on it, and we were wrong.

One thing no one took into account was that humans, like all mammals, have a neurological need for touch. Even if formula provided adequate nutrition, snuggling up to a glass bottle just doesn't give the same nurturing experience that breast feeding does. So what happens when a baby doesn't get what it needs? It forms either an aversion or an obsession with the stimulus. It becomes a source of tension, of shame, lust, embarrassment, hate, resentment, need, loss, or other pathology, rather than being viewed as a normal part of everyday life.

When you have a couple of generations of babies growing up without mother's milk, you get all kinds of bizarre behaviors. Men start restaurants like Hooters, and become obsessed with breast size. They spend money on pictures of breasts, give women money to show their breasts, have a freaking seizure if a woman dares to *gasp - breastfeed in public? How DARE she do what Nature intends? What "God" and Gerber hath replaced, let no man have to remember! (He can't have it - it's mine, it's mine, it's mine!)

It gets really sad when Infantile Mammary Obsession takes over a life. Like when a grown woman sues a tv station because a glimpse of a tit at the Superbowl traumatizes her; when TV studios spend thousands of dollars digitizing nipples out of the picture on a show where people are clearly tuning in for the T&A; and tragically, when a feeble-minded and repressed old codger spends $8000. on curtains to cover up a freakin' statue when he ought to be prosecuting hate crimes against gays and Pagans that his department is ignoring.

George Walker gave us two things with the appointment of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales- now we get the tits and an ass.