Must Read: Salon.com Life | I want you to want me
Salon.com Life | I want you to want me
Debra Dickerson's article takes a sad look at the Own Wilson, Vince Vaughn comedy, Wedding Crashers. Apparently, they crash virtually every kind of wedding except an African American one. I don't blame her for being upset. It seems strange that Hollywood would make such a glaring ommission. My personal experience has been that the guys I like always end up with black women, so I think it's inaccurate as well as impolitic, but I could be wrong about that.
She gives some heartbreaking examples of how she has been ignored by white men in a variety of situations. I'm sure they happened, and I'm sure that racism was the central issue. I haven't seen the movie, but I'm pretty sure there weren't any short, fat Native American women in it, either. Now, if I say I identify with her sense of not being considered a "real woman" some people will accuse me of diverting the attention from a problem as experienced by a black woman. There's something to be said for being recognized as a minority.
I have no doubt that Dickerson and other black women have every right to be upset at being excluded, and being treated as if they aren't quite women. I just think I have that right, too. I'm not a skinny white girl, so I don't count and I never did. If I complain, I'm accused of not really being a minority, so it's not the same. I'm not oppressed, I'm just fat. Or ugly. Either way, I end up just as lonely.
It amazes me that self-described Progressives will have no compuction in assailing my ethnicity, my weight, my religion. I'm amazed that Dickerson would have the experience she describes where two white men in a donut shop completely ignore her presence. I can't believe no one recruited at least a Tyra Banks or a Michael Michelle to represent black women without being threatening. Are we moving backwards?
Is there such a backlash against black women, or women in general, that any of us who is strong and assertive is suddenly no longer considered feminine? I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say, but I'd like to hear what you all think.
posted by Morgaine @ 12:51 AM
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6 Comments:
"...self-described Progressives have no compuction in assailing my ethnicity, my weight, my religion...." I can see some progressives harping on your religion -- because they mistrust all religion (knowing only male god religion), and weight ("we worry about you, dear"). But ethnicity?!? That's a first for me. Bad news. I'd drop them and find some new friends. Or am I not understanding you correctly? I just can't imagine it.
Is there such a backlash against black women, or women in general, that any of us who is strong and assertive is suddenly no longer considered feminine?
Interestingly enough, the only times I've ever been asked if I'm a lesbian have been by white, Anglo men. I've asked a few why they ask me that, and they cite some "unfeminine" traits I have... Lol, Italian, Latino, Carribean, African-American men never connect any of this to me. Some white Anglo men I guess consider my "masculine" traits desexualizing?
Athana- this was directed at me on Alas, A Blog:
Well Morgaine I guess the confusion for me comes in your expecting any reaction at all. Around here, being a bi-poly-pagan feminist is at least as common as being a coffee-drinking feminist or a pet-owning feminist. I know it’s common in other locales, also. Goddess religions are part of the approved feminist “lifestyle package” that has been latched onto for marketing purposes as well. So I don’t get what the big deal is supposed to be.
I do think it’s telling that this sidetracking is coming up in a discussion about black feminism, however. My observation has been that a woman of color can scarcely speak three words in a feminist space without a white woman jumping in to say “hey I am oppressed too because I’m a pagan/one two hundredth Native American on my dad’s side/bisexual/into anime!” It’s *most* telling.
***
I'm Cherokee. I'm fair skinned, but I look straight off the res - to the point that people on the street in New Mexico would ask me what tribe I belonged to because I looked just like a cousin, sister, aunt, and they couldn't figure out why they didn't know me. Yet this "Lillith" person assumed that I'm - what, passing for Indian? WTF?! The anime crack is what really got me - what a freaking stereotype. I had to look that up a couple of months ago to find out what it was. And this was on a feminist board by someone using a Pagan handle? Bullshit.
My reply:
1) I didn’t say it was a big deal; I asked if it was, because in many places, no matter how liberal, it is.
2)”Goddess religions are part of the approved feminist “lifestyle package” that has been latched onto for marketing purposes as well.”
No, it isn’t. It’s marginalized by mainstream feminists, and we are treated as an embarassment.
3) I’m Cherokee, not white, but thank you for making my point about progressives sometimes being bigots. I don’t know where the Anime crack adds in, but I’ll infer it’s part of your stereotype for Pagan women. Very enlightened. Glad it’s not a “big deal”.
4) I identify more with black women than white because I’ve been through similar, though not as intense, prejudice. When I worked for the government, I tended to get lumped in with other minorities, but had no protection through affirmative action because I was in the “other” category and there was an Asian woman in my agency within 2 grades of me, so that’s all they needed to promote. White women were given preference over Native Americans, Pacific Islanders, and Asians.
Again, if I distracted from the main point, I apologize for assuming that a lesbian feminist Witch was allowed to comment on a post including the words “lesbian feminist Witchcraft.” How silly of me.
Thanks very much to those of you who were supportive. It is most appreciated. Bright Blessings.
Do I have this right? You tried to talk about your own issues, and your feelings about your issues, and then someone else betrayed your trust by saying (essentially), "Your pain isn't as signficant as mine. So don't tell me about it, I don't have time to listen."
Sounds like someone who needs to go back to kindergarten and start over again on her social education, right from scratch.
I hear you about feminists marginalizing us. If we could only get them to see what kind of power they're throwing away!
Do I have this right? You tried to talk about your own issues, and your feelings about your issues, and then someone else betrayed your trust by saying (essentially), "Your pain isn't as signficant as mine. So don't tell me about it, I don't have time to listen."
Oh boy-- VERY common situation... Sorry you had to go through that, been there.
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